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Tatik’s letters to Prof. Loitik - Part 4: Tatik and Nicolau have eco-sex!

Published 24th October 2009 - 7 comments - 2024 views -

Copenhaguen, October, 2009


Professor, good morning, how are you? Oh, professor, I am so happy today!!! Nicolau and I went on our first eco date yesterday and it was eco-won-der-full!

You still have not told me if you think this emotional proximity to the natives could affect the impartiality of my studies, but I feel it’s is granting me opportunities to understand this culture which I never would have had otherwise. I will tell all about how it went…

He came to pick me up on his bicycle. Just when I thought I was going to have to walk besides him to our date, he pulled out a dismountable third wheel from his rucksack and turned his bike into a two-seater! Soon I became a cyclist like everyone else in Copenhaguen - I felt like I really belonged here for the first time! He goes to work every day on his bike, does his shopping and all. I asked him, “What about when you are sick?” He said he bikes to hospital! “What about when you have babies?” He told me there is an attachment that can be put on the side of the bike to carry children! I couldn’t think of anything else to dare him on! Indeed, cycling is cheap, you avoid the traffic and it’s carbon free!

Nicolau is really very strict about CO2 emissions. He was telling me that when he was invited to work at EJC (European Journalism Centre) in Copenhaguen, he sailed all the way from Italy to avoid the flight CO2 emissions. Can you believe it? He says aircraft pollution’s contribution to climate change is of almost 2%! He thinks the biggest contradiction of all “environmental activists” is to fly all over the world all the time. He departed from his hometown Venice, sailed all across the Mediterranean and onto the Atlantic Ocean - he only stopped over in Dover, England, to have a pint of Guiness!

Soon we arrived at his boat-house! I did not expect this, but he actually lives on his Italian sail boat! I immediately asked him if he doesn’t feel cold in winter. He smiled at me and said “Never!”, that he believes people feel cold only when do not have human warmth, but that his love for humanity is so great that it keeps him warm. It’s funny with him, because he says things that might sound corny, but the way he says it is really touching. He poured us some fermented organic wheat onto two ceramic bowls for us.

The boat is very nicely decorated inside, mainly with PVC recycled furniture. He’d separated colorful fair-trade tomatoes, strawberries, lettuces, carrots, radishes and onions for us at the kitchen sink, but I could see no oven. I asked him where was he going to cook it and he smiled, “No cooking here, Tatik.” I discovered he is an adept to Crudism and that means he only eats raw vegetables, fruits and nuts. I wonder how he manages to keep so athletic! He said Crudism is a way to keep healthy, because it is the heating up process that depletes food from its vitamins, but that he is more interested in the energy efficiency element of it. No need to heat up, no need to burn wood or to build hydroeletric power plants or solar panels or wind mills, all of which present enormous eco contradictions, in his view. “Have you ever thought about how much steel goes into making a wind mill? Where is this steel coming from? It’s probably coming from some polluting coal mines in Latin America which are run on slave labor! People in the developed world want to feel good about themselves and forget about the dirty productive chain of their renewables.”   

He then offered me organic marijuana, but I explained it was against my religion. He laughed and said, “Ah, religion! I don’t have a religion” I said, “But, what about Eco?” He laughed again, “Eco is not a religion!” No? What is it then, I asked. He said, “It is just a life posture, a way to be in the world.” I couldn’t resist insisting a little on this point of such high interest to my research, so I said, “But isn’t that exactly what a religion is?” Professor, I am shy to tell you this, but he then looked at me with those beautiful green eyes, touched my lips softly with the tips of his fingers and said to me, “You are as smart as you are pretty, Tatik.” Ohhhh, professor, I think he likes me too!!!!!!!!! I was so so happy!!! He came close to me, making me feel all that warmth for humanity and said, “Would you like to have eco-sex with me, Tatik?”

I am sorry to go into such details with you, professor, but what’s about to tell you is really very interesting. At that point, I was totally was breathless, but I responded, “Yes, I would love to have eco-sex with you, but do you have a condom?” He started at me passionately and said, “Yes, Tatik, I have many eco-condoms!” I was dazed, “What’s an eco-condom?” Professor, he told me that eco condoms are penis coatings made from the intestinal membrane of the lamb, “No latex, no industry, no energy consumption, no pollution, just artisanal contraceptive mode.” I confess that, despite my passion, right at that moment, I was a little put off by the idea of him getting a bloody lamb intestine condom from the fridge.

But then…ah, what to say…he took off his shirt and he softened me somehow. I was still able to ask, “Does it really work, this eco-condom?” He caressed my hair and started to undo my braids in such a gentle way, “Yeah, every time, princess.” We kissed. And…we had eco-sex! And - it was great!!!!!!!!! Perhaps it was even all that rawness and organic context that made it SO fantastic. All I know is that in Montik I’d never had sex like that, professor! Conclusion: eco men are totally sexy!

Professor, I hope you don’t feel this is in any way compromising my researcher’s outlook. Please do tell me if you think it is. I just couldn’t miss this opportunity, right? In any case, Nicolau called me today again and we are going to the Tivoli Park together.

Best regards,



Photo: Wikipedia Commons, by Giannaria Visconti


Who is Tatik?

Tatik is a fictional character based on the idea that an indigenous anthropologist, from the imaginary village of Montik, has come to Copanhaguen to do research for her Phd on Civilized Societies without knowing much about Western culture, in the same way Western anthropologists do regularly in Developing Countries for what they call Primitive Societies. Tatik’s studies are supervised by Professor Loitik.

To find out more about Tatik's research and read her other letters to Professor Loitik click on: 1) The Founding Myth of the Eco Society and 2) The Sacred Waters of the Eco Society, 3) Seduction at Dissekilde.

Category: Greenhouse Gases, | Tags:


Diego Casaes Silva on 25th October 2009:

hahahha I just LOVED this post!

The way you use storytelling and a fictional character to discuss some relatively specific topics of all this ecological revolution is really impressive! keep blogging!

Joana Setzer on 25th October 2009:

Dear Tatik,

I really love your stories. They are touching and funny, smart and critical, real and literary. About your concern on whether this eco-love-affair might impact your research, I guess it already became part of it, and I do believe you’ve explored in a very scientific way…. these are the challenges of ethnography, and you’re carrying yours brilliantly!

Keep on writing. I will certainly keep reading!

Deborah on 26th October 2009:

I´ll keep writing for sure! Tatik is yet to write some few letters to Prof. Loitik!

Stephen on 27th October 2009:

Amazing, sailing on a sail boat from the peninsula of Italy to Denmark. Certainly a sea-faring people, and stopping for a “Guiness” (?) with the North Sea Islanders at Dover. Perhaps some kind of fermented native drink made from local plants? Related to hallucinogenic ritual experiences? The sheep’s intestine must be obtained after some kind of bloody sacrifice? To the Supreme-Eco-Being?  Perhaps a monotheistic religion based on Eco Logic? EcoLogy? Possibly a post-modern development from the monotheistic Judaico-Christhian-Islamic tradition. But denied as being a religion by the native guys? It would be interesting to know more about their cosmology, Tatik. What are the Eco beliefs? No doubt, closely related to Eco-nomics? Or a late post-post-modern form of post-capitalist societies?

Paul Montariol on 10th November 2009:

You are ECO ECO, I am OK OK!

kitchen sinks on 24th November 2009:

I have medium brown cabinets and wood floors, mostly beige tile counter tops and back splash and black/stainless appliances.What element in the kitchen is the sink supposed to coordinate with?
kitchen sinks

Paul Montariol on 24th November 2009:

Your story is now also as good as at the beginning.
The development of the competition does not change the interest of your post.

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